Feel Good (originally published on As We Are)
Another one from our fantastic guest blogger Trudi Evans...
Trudi Evans is the publisher of As We Are Magazine(http://www.aswearemagazine.com) new space on the web for women to feel good, speak out and be heard. When she’s not promoting the magazine, Trudi acts as the president of the board of directors for the Eating Disorders Action Group (http://www.edag.ca), plays in the sprinkler with her 4 ½ year old son, hangs out with her husband of ten years, and chases the cat back into the house. She is currently growing pumpkins in containers on her deck and thinking about female super heroes.
Do you feel good about yourself? A big reason why I started my website As We Are (http://www.aswearemagazine) is to support women in feeling great about them. I believe that when women are confident, they become great creators of change. In order for me to go forward and support charitable groups with my skills and time and to publish my magazine, I needed to look at myself and say "wow, I rock". And you know what? I do. I'm not waiting to wear a size whatever before I tackle the world because I no longer need those external validations to move forward. And you don't either!
Let's explore how to feel good.
I’ve learned (albeit slowly), that the way I feel about myself is in my control. When my feel good cues came from other people in the form of compliments or admiration, my feel bad cues were in their hands as well. Negative observations about my work or appearance would bring me down and in order to be brought back up, I needed more validation from somewhere else.
That is, until I took control of my self-esteem. The first thing I did was make a pact with myself to stop putting myself down. For years, I was the queen of self-deprecating humor and verbal abuse aimed straight at me. Cheesy as it sounds, but you wouldn’t talk about others the way you talk about yourself, so why is it ok to put yourself down?
I have some theories. The first is that we are taught at a very young age, that a healthy self-esteem is actually conceit. And no one likes a conceited girl. The higher you see yourself, the farther they can knock you down. You are an open target when you feel good about yourself. Someone wants to knock you down a peg or two until you feel as badly about yourself as they feel about themselves. Compliments come to those who are lowest and need boosting. Teenagers live this day in and day out and sadly, adults don’t often shake it off as they mature.
What if you made all your choices based on what you thought you deserved, when you felt your worst? The fact is, we make a lot of choices in that moment. Theory number two includes having to admit that we have made some poor choices because we didn’t see ourselves as worthy of more. From choosing a partner who’s critical of our every breath, to staying at an unfulfilling job and ignoring our true talents and dreams, we create a life that validates all those negative feelings about ourselves. This creates conflict as we accept our bodaciousness. How does someone as amazing as me, live a life as lousy as this? Facing those choices and making great changes create anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.
A great support system makes it easier to deal with stepping out of the life you’re in and into the one you deserve, but what if you don’t have that support system? You may have friends and family who love you, but do they love themselves? When they don’t, they may have difficulty supporting your new rockin’ self and the life you want to create that reflects it. Your confidence reminds them of their own fear of loving themselves and they often feel left behind. That’s what As We Are is about – daily support to help you to keep moving forward with your awesomeness and build a network of confident, self-loving women.
What do you do to bring yourself up when you feel down?
Trudi Evans is the publisher of As We Are Magazine(http://www.aswearemagazine.com) new space on the web for women to feel good, speak out and be heard. When she’s not promoting the magazine, Trudi acts as the president of the board of directors for the Eating Disorders Action Group (http://www.edag.ca), plays in the sprinkler with her 4 ½ year old son, hangs out with her husband of ten years, and chases the cat back into the house. She is currently growing pumpkins in containers on her deck and thinking about female super heroes.
Do you feel good about yourself? A big reason why I started my website As We Are (http://www.aswearemagazine) is to support women in feeling great about them. I believe that when women are confident, they become great creators of change. In order for me to go forward and support charitable groups with my skills and time and to publish my magazine, I needed to look at myself and say "wow, I rock". And you know what? I do. I'm not waiting to wear a size whatever before I tackle the world because I no longer need those external validations to move forward. And you don't either!
Let's explore how to feel good.
I’ve learned (albeit slowly), that the way I feel about myself is in my control. When my feel good cues came from other people in the form of compliments or admiration, my feel bad cues were in their hands as well. Negative observations about my work or appearance would bring me down and in order to be brought back up, I needed more validation from somewhere else.
That is, until I took control of my self-esteem. The first thing I did was make a pact with myself to stop putting myself down. For years, I was the queen of self-deprecating humor and verbal abuse aimed straight at me. Cheesy as it sounds, but you wouldn’t talk about others the way you talk about yourself, so why is it ok to put yourself down?
I have some theories. The first is that we are taught at a very young age, that a healthy self-esteem is actually conceit. And no one likes a conceited girl. The higher you see yourself, the farther they can knock you down. You are an open target when you feel good about yourself. Someone wants to knock you down a peg or two until you feel as badly about yourself as they feel about themselves. Compliments come to those who are lowest and need boosting. Teenagers live this day in and day out and sadly, adults don’t often shake it off as they mature.
What if you made all your choices based on what you thought you deserved, when you felt your worst? The fact is, we make a lot of choices in that moment. Theory number two includes having to admit that we have made some poor choices because we didn’t see ourselves as worthy of more. From choosing a partner who’s critical of our every breath, to staying at an unfulfilling job and ignoring our true talents and dreams, we create a life that validates all those negative feelings about ourselves. This creates conflict as we accept our bodaciousness. How does someone as amazing as me, live a life as lousy as this? Facing those choices and making great changes create anxiety, fear, and self-doubt.
A great support system makes it easier to deal with stepping out of the life you’re in and into the one you deserve, but what if you don’t have that support system? You may have friends and family who love you, but do they love themselves? When they don’t, they may have difficulty supporting your new rockin’ self and the life you want to create that reflects it. Your confidence reminds them of their own fear of loving themselves and they often feel left behind. That’s what As We Are is about – daily support to help you to keep moving forward with your awesomeness and build a network of confident, self-loving women.
What do you do to bring yourself up when you feel down?
posted by Jess at 3:23 PM
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