Hooray for Communication

Yesterday's convo went really well. I think we were both relieved to just create a new possibility of friendship after a relationship didn't work. It made me think about how much I have avoided confrontation in my past - whether it was with a friend or a boyfriend or my family -- so afraid to share something or clear something up. That kind of behavior only causes more of a riff in communication. Once you finally just face what you are avoiding saying -- everything feels better and cleaner.

We are having relationships in our head everyday with people we may not even speak to. I have people in my life 6 years ago that I still think about and have mock conversations with in my head. Energetically we are still connected even though we are separated through time and space. That's why I think it's important to really reach out and clean things up with those around you while you can -- in the present moment.

Who would you clean things up with in your life? What is stopping you?

Coming clean

Today I am clearing up some communication in my life with an ex boyfriend.
I am nervous.
Even more nervous than the first time I met him (which was a blind date of sorts)
I am more nervous because I am choosing to be powerfully authentic with him and apologize for the way our relationship ended. But I am not out to make me the bad guy or him the reason - but rather to end admirably a relationship that didn't work. That's all. Letting go of the drama there is nothing else. Ah....and I am nervous because I realize how inauthentic I am in my life with people. It keeps me from being close to them and it protects me from hurting. But that's a lie. Because the impact of being inauthentic is that I miss out on the opportunity to be real with people that I care about. And to be real with myself.
So I share this with you now because I stand for the possibility of being authentic and clear in life. And I stand for all of us to face our inauthenticities and have courage to be bold and authentic in our lives. I'll let you know how it goes....

Creating Possibilities

Sorry I haven't written in a few days....I was entrenched all weekend in a course called Landmark Education. I will be posting a lot about my experiences at Landmark becuase they are truly nothing short of life changing. What I discovered this weekend taking the advanced course is that we all have access to creating the possibility of an extraordinary life. And that for me, even though I am out there in the world doing many things I love, there is still an opportunity for me to step my game up a notch and really be authentic and powerful in all areas of my life.

Sometimes we can get caught up in the feeling of being powerless in our lives. We pretend every one else has control but us. That leaves us feeling miserable and incomplete and then we go out searching for anything and everything that will fill us up. That is the trick. There is nothing out "there". It is all created. Within.

To give you an example of the work and my transformation - let me share with you something I discovered this weekend. We all tell a "story" in our life - some people's stories are "I am not good enough", "No one loves me", "I can't trust anyone", "I am stupid", etc. And the origin of these stories come from something that happened. More specifically a moment of failure. So for instance, when I was in 4th grade I got an "F" on my math test. It was my first "F". Before that I was a straight "A" student. The story I made up from what happened was "I am a failue and I need to be perfect!"

Let's look at it again:

I am 11 years old. I get an "F" on my test in math.
I make up that I am a failure and need to be perfect.

From that "story" I create a life of perfection. Everything in my mind must be perfect and everyone must approve of what I am doing. That played out in the eating disorders I experienced and the elements of the life I have been leading until now. We all have more than one story and one incident. But this is an example of how our "stories" control our lives.
All that happened was I got an "F" - the meaning I gave it and the story I told myself as an 11 year old about my life - has actually impacted me as a 33 year old adult! How crazy is that??

How many of you are still being guided in your life by "stories" you created when you were 8,9 , 10 years old? It sounds silly but freeing doesn't it? And there is no "right" or "wrong" here - you weren't bad or good for creating those storiees. Neither was I. That was just how I dealt with what happened. And what causes us so much misery in our lives is when we collapse what happened with the "story" of what happened.

So for me to have access to this education and distinguish these differences is empowering because I am letting the story go from life and I am instead creating the possibility of being authentic. Which means I can make mistakes, I can fail, and I can create again. For me, it is nothing short of a miracle to experience that kind of internal freedom.

And this is just one small distinction I received about my life through this work. It is a bit more challenging to write down -- it's best shared in a conversation -- but I wanted to at least share a little of my experience with you here on the blog.

So I challenge you to think of the "stories" in your life that may be keeping you in a place of disempowerment. And as we continue to have a conversation on this blog -- we can explore the ways to create new possibilities in our lives. We are the creators of our own reality!

And if you want more info on Landmark courses you can check out www.landmarkeducation.com

Have a beautiful day!!

Jess

NOT SO FAST

I just read the new headline: "Britney's life TOTALLY back in control" and the story went on to talk about her exit from rehab and her complete 180 in attitude and addiction.

Not that I want to knock anyone's recovery process and by all means, recovery looks different on everyone...but I know enough to know that your personal demons, drug addictions, or depression don't go away in 3 weeks, even if you do pay a lot of money and have a private room at a rehab facility. The demons that haunt Britney and millions of other people are deep mental health issues that take a variety of treatments and some appropriate amount of time to treat.

I love how recovery gets covered in the media. It's always the fast food version of health. A celeb goes into rehab for 2 weeks and comes out either a. no longer racist b. no longer Mel Gibson or c. completely straight.

My last comment is about controversial evangelist Ted Haggard who claims after about 20 days of 'rehab' all of his homosexual tendencies have vanished and he is completely straight. Give me a break. What about your lying tendency, your meth tendency, and hate tendency, did those get 'fixed' too?

What is most scary is that there will be some people out there who read these stories and believe that in just a few weeks their issues can vanish too. Or that rehab becomes something like a vacation destination to work on your 'issues' before returning to your real life. Drug addiction, PPD, Depression, Eating Disorders, and other mental health diseases don't creep up overnight and they don't disappear overnight either.

One of the big issues holding back mental health parity in this country is that we don't understand fully mental health. And when the media truncates someones recovery to fit their magazine cover -- it sends the wrong message. We need more compassion, education, and access to care for these issues - so that people who can't afford a posh Malibu rehab facility also have some real hope and a viable way to clear their demons.

I wish both Britney and Ted well in their journey toward authenticity. I just want them to remember, recovery is not an end game or a PR move, it is a new way of living.

New Blog - YEAH!

Ok - so testing, testing...this is the new With Jess blog!

We are going to be tackling all sorts of interesting topics here -- some personal, some pop-culture - but always POWERFUL becuase you are lending your voice to the conversation!

There are some days where I will simply post a question for everyone to answer and think about. Others I might rant or rave. And most of all, I promise to make my communication with you guys as consistent as I can.

We have some amazing new announcements coming up and some really fun ways for you to begin taking more action in your community - so stay tuned!

In the meantime - let's get the conversation going....

What makes you feel powerful? In your life? In your work? In your relationships? Are you living the most powerful version of your life that you can?

Do tell.....

The good, the bad, and the in-between....

Ever have one of those 'in between days'?

Not good. Not bad. Just so-so. Things going well. Not great. But Ok.Nothing too negative. Just staus quo.

Does that kind of day drive you CRAZY??

Because if you are like me - you may be a pendulum swinging -- adreneline junkie -- type A -- perfectionist-- control freak-- must have a GREAT day every day kinda girl!

And when you are addicted to having things go smoothly, perfectly, and triumphantly every day - that leaves you with not a whole lot of room for error, mistake, or well....living! One of the hardest things I juggle in my brain every day is to not get too attached to winning and achieving and making each day equate to a monumental success.

Especially when we have a goal like weight loss or changing health behaviors - we get so addicted to the highs -- to the accolades of losing a pound or two -- or knowing that you've exercised 10 straight days in a row. We get too attached to the outcome and the outpouring of support when we achieve something huge. But what if we achieve something small? Like stopping eating desert when you are full? Or turning the other cheek to a co-workers lame comments without it sending you into a binge cycle? Or going to the grocery store on a full stomach so you aren't tempted to buy (and eat) everything in the store?

Sometimes the small 'in between' moments are the greatest moments of all. The moments when no one is looking and you still make the best decision for you. The moments when it is just a typical day and you don't make it atypical by going off the deep end and abusing yourself with food or lethargy. The moments when you are just moving along in status quo and allow yourself to be OK with that.

I bring this all up because sometimes we face plateaus. But we have to remember that a plateau is not the same as going backwards or slipping. A plateau should be looked at as a necessary resting place. A moment to catch your breath, take a look around, and celebrate where've you come from. A plateau can give you great pause to evaluate the good, the bad, and the in-between. To be comfortable not moving forward, not achieving, not growing (for just a moment) to me, is all about striking balance.

So many of our diets have failed in the past because as soon as we stopped seeing the physical progress we gave up. Or we let a few plateau days make us believe we were transgressing. But we can choose to re-frame that experience today. And embrace a plateau for just what it is. An 'in-between' day. In between growing and changing. In between past and future. In between old behaviors and new.

When a catepillar becomes a butterfly it doesn't just grow it's new set of wings overnight. It slowly evolves into the next phase. And on some days you can see great progress and on others it seems like nothing is happening. It is a progressive change and one that yields great results when you just allow the process to unfold.

So today, my little butterflies -- enjoy your growth and movement toward change in your life. Take deep breaths and allow the moments to unfold. You are doing it. You are spreading your wings. And you will fly!!